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Self-Care for Extremely Busy Women

Aug 20, 2019

I begin today’s show by reading an essay I wrote called “My Declaration of Independence”. It fits neatly in with the theme of this show – all around narcissistic abuse, and how to practice real and lasting self-care around it.

I don’t know about you, but I’ve encountered a LOT of narcissists in my life. So I was particularly interested to chat with a woman who calls herself ‘The Little Shaman.’ Her focus is recovering from relationships with these narcissists … and I believe she is doing the world a great service with her work.

Take a listen and see if you can relate to any of this in your own relationship.

Among other things we talked about:

  • Gaslighting … what is it exactly?
  • Red flags that should come up
  • The Empathy Trap
  • How to protect yourself from malignant narcissist abuse
  • The issues around wanting to rescue narcissists
  • Jealousy issues with narcissists
  • How to extract yourself from these relationships and have some real boundaries

Here’s the all-important list we talked about on the episode … just LOVE THIS!

Recognizing Narcissism: 10 Point Cheat Sheet

  1. Is this person always the victim, no matter what they've done?

    2. Are other people (or "circumstances") always to blame for what happens to this person, including their own feelings and choices?

    3. Does this person seem to think it's unfair that rules or consequences actually apply to them? 

    4. Does this person seem unable to understand what consequences even are or how they work? 

    5. Does every conversation with this person eventually swing back around to how thing affect them, especially when they are upset? 

    6. Does this person get offended by, or overreact to, things most people would not be upset by? 

    7. Do you find yourself explaining very basic concepts to this person, such as respect, consequences, taking responsibility for actions, that other people have feelings, why something is rude or inappropriate, etc.? 

    8. Does this person seem to actually be looking for reasons to be upset and often refuse to accept explanations or conciliatory measure that would defuse the situation so that they can remain upset? (Refuse to believe something was a joke, refuse to believe they've misunderstood your motive or intention, accuse you of things you've not done or said, come to extreme or ludicrous conclusions based on an unrealistic or skewed interpretation of events, etc.)

    9. Do you find it impossible not to offend, upset or anger this person, no matter how careful you are, or even if you are agreeing with them? 

    10. Does this person twist things you do or you say into something negative, offensive, insulting or bad, including things that are harmless or even supportive, complimentary or kind?

Core boundaries:

Examples of core boundaries include:

  • It is not my job to fix others  
  • It is OK if others get angry  
  • It is OK to say "No." 
  • It is not my job to take responsibility for others
  • I don't have to anticipate the needs of others 
  • It is my job to make myself happy 
  • Nobody has to agree with me 
  • I have a right to my own feelings 
  • I am enough

From Little Shaman’s website


The Little Shaman’s website

Youtube channel

The Little Shaman Healing Podcast


The Little Shaman provides education and support for those dealing with abusive situations, either current or past. Virtually all abuse is narcissistic in nature. With this understanding, you can learn how to move on and heal from abusive situations, how to break trauma bonds, why these situations are occurring in your life, protect yourself from future abuse and much more.

a spiritual coach and a narcissism specialist. She has a popular YouTube show and clients worldwide. Working on opening a Holistic Healing Center & Spirit Clinic in the Deep South area. She believes in natural living, natural healing and natural medicine.